“The only cure for grief is action.”
– George Henry Lewes
It was with shock and disbelief that we first learned of the bushfires in Victoria. Shock gives way to sadness at the loss, then anger at the possibility that these tragic events may have been intentionally caused. Grief is a complex and confusing emotion. It comes in several stages and cycles through waves of intense feelings that seem to come and go on their own. Those with unresolved grief may have even more severe feelings.
Why is grief so intense and disruptive? Loss is pervasive; it has roots in all the dimensions of our lives, from the physical and emotional to the social and spiritual. Each moment our lives change, sometimes for the better, sometimes not. Grief is how our minds come to terms with a new reality, a reality where loss exists.
Loss of any kind causes a certain amount of grief, but there have been so many losses in the bushfires, it’s hard to name them all. Loss of life, of whole towns, of history, of property, the list goes on and on. There are also some hidden losses; loss of trust in nature, loss of safety and security, recognition that we are not invincible, we are all vulnerable. These types of losses cause us to question everything we hold dear.
At first it’s hard to accept this reality. We want to avoid and deny it; sometimes feeling disconnected from reality. Denial can cycle with anger; feeling anger then disbelief, then anger again. Eventually, we begin to come to terms with the loss. This begins a cycle of bargaining and intense sadness. Finally, we reconcile with the loss and accept it, even if we still don’t like it.
Greif is an important part of recovering from tragedy. There is no other way, we have to make room for grief, allow it to work, respect its power to heal. The grieving process is made possible by joining with others and talking about it, sharing our real feelings and respecting the feelings of others, holding memorial services, making music and art in honour of the victims. Doing what we can to mend.
Helping others helps ourselves. Collecting money, donations of clothes and practical items for relief centres helps the victims, but it also demonstrates that all is not lost. There is still goodness in the world. Australia will come together to share and heal. The Aussie spirit will emerge like a phoenix from the ashes and remind us that the care we offer in mateship can overcome even the most tragic events.
